“I have been dating since I was 15. I am exhausted. Where is he??” once said a wise Charlotte York in the middle of a meltdown in Sex and the City and we all fervently nodded along. Finally, someone verbalized exactly what we were all feeling. Someone put it in words, and we all related tremendously. Even those who didn’t watch the series knew this quote as it resonated universally with anyone and everyone who hasn’t found the one yet.
If you are wondering where your other half is, even though you think you’re doing everything right, let’s just take a step back. True, you might actually be doing everything right – your behavior on the first, second, third and later dates might all be nothing short of perfect. You might be acting “normal” and sweet and kind, yet somehow, you’re either attracting the wrong kind or your dates don’t even turn into relationships.
Does fate hate you? Is the universe just mean? Why, when all these crazies and psychos around you find love, while you haven’t (yet)? How is that even fair? You’re a nice person and you know that. So, what’s happening? Why hasn’t love knocked on your door yet? We believe it’s because of your underlying beliefs which you are most likely not experiencing on a conscious basis. They’re down there in your subconscious, quietly sabotaging everything.
“You have to understand that everything you think and do is based on unconscious negative beliefs about how life is.” – Barbara Brennan, Author of Light Emerging. Here’s an interview Barbara gave a while back, worthy of reading.
Here are some common beliefs:
I am not loveable
Probably the most sinister belief of all and the hardest to admit to even one’s own self in solitude where no one else can hear or witness it. It’s a belief no one wants to hear or even acknowledge the possibility of. Yet it can be a very strong, very deep belief in those of whose primary caregivers were either absent during our babyhood and/or toddler years, or they failed at admiring us and loving us the way we needed to be admired and loved.
All caregivers are human, and they’re allowed to make mistakes. At times, they can’t do any better even when they want to because the circumstances make it truly difficult for them. Perhaps they had financial worries and had to work multiple jobs. Perhaps the neighborhood, town, or even the country where we were raised was not friendly to us due to war, racial or gender-based tensions, economic instability etc. and our caregiver was so concerned with survival that he or she didn’t have the time or the emotional availability to love us like we deserved.
What happened then was, as a tiny baby, we internalized all this as if it was all our fault. We didn’t have the words or the mental acuity to understand or describe what happened – all we had were “feeling states.” We didn’t understand the complexity of the situation around us and we believed, in the feeling level, that we just weren’t loveable. Something was fundamentally wrong with us in the existential level, and we didn’t deserve love.
You’d be surprised to find out how many people live by this motto. Anyone whose caregivers were emotionally inadequate and/or who were born into extreme hardship, might be prone to subscribe to this belief. As an adult, this belief prevents love from entering your world. Luckily, you can bring such beliefs to the conscious level and work to change them. Nothing is set in stone.
No one stays
This is an abandonment related belief. You don’t believe that those who love you will stay. You expect them to leave or even flee. Most likely, around the time you were two, three or four, your caregivers became too busy with others – maybe there was a new sibling, or your mother returned to work etc. and you felt terribly abandoned.
As an adult, you might be trying too hard to make people love you and to make sure they’ll stay. You might come across as clingy and you might be too much, giving a lot from yourself just so they stay. And in the end, most likely, they still leave. Your subconscious beliefs have made you pick someone who wouldn’t stay, anyway, regardless of what you did.
You believe you are not enough. You are not this enough or that enough for people to want to stay. You are enough. You just can’t see that you are. Your ancient belief systems are sabotaging your current love life.
I am not worthy of good things
You’d be surprised how difficult it is for most of us to receive good things into our lives. Many of us are so used to drama and hardship that we even glorify it all – we glorify overcoming hardships and proving ourselves. But who says things need to be difficult? Why do we need so much drama? What’s wrong with having it easy?
Many of us say we want money, but if all of a sudden, we were given a large amount of money, many of us wouldn’t know how to manage the money or how to make it grow. We wouldn’t have our two feet on the ground. We wouldn’t experience having money as a regular, ordinary aspect of life. It would feel strange. Question is, why? It’s not because we never had it before, it’s because of our beliefs.
Those who come from difficult backgrounds and make it happen for themselves believe that they are worthy of good things. When, for example, money comes, they don’t squander it. They keep it. Because they are calm, they know they deserve to have the money. Many of us don’t believe we’re genuinely worthy of good things, that’s why we need titles (director of blah blah), fame, approval of others etc.
The same with love – many of us might not be able to handle finding the love of our lives. It might feel too difficult, too challenging, too unbelievable. Who am I to experience such deep love, anyway? We might think. You must believe you’re worthy of great things before you can attract the love of your life.
Sometimes our caregivers do their best but because we’re a little child with such little understanding of the world, we misinterpret what actually happened and internalize it in twisted ways. So, this article isn’t about blaming the parents. It’s about taking responsibility for the ways we believe our life is meant to be, bringing our ancient beliefs to the surface and transforming them to be able to live a conscious life. It’s all in our hands.
You don’t actually need to do anything to find your karmic love other than looking deeply into your infantile, ancient beliefs. It doesn’t matter if you have an online dating profile or if you are actively dating or not. None of that matters. As long as you have negative beliefs, you cannot obtain positive outcomes.
For your karmic soul mate or twin flame to come into your life, your karmic love relationships to actually work out, or even your karmic friendships to last, you must work on retrieving old beliefs and transform them. It’s the only way to change the chronic sameness that defines your love life.
Feeling lost? Need help? Talk to a top-rated psychic now.